Why telling yourself to “get over it” doesn’t work

October 26, 2021

I'm jess!

Life and leadership coach for women, mental health maven and soul guide.

I support women to do LESS people-pleasing, perfectionism and over-working ... and experience MORE ease, joy, vitality and confidence.


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“I know it’s not a big deal.”
“I know it’s silly to worry about this.”
“I know she’s not going to change.”

Do you find yourself using these types of phrases when talking about or reflecting on things that have really stressed or hurt you?

We say it to convince ourselves that we really do have perspective on this situation and to try and move forward, but the truth is that we’re band-aiding over what’s really true for us.

Whenever you hear yourself saying “I know”, I invite you to pause. To take a moment and acknowledge that yes, there is a part of you that knows that on a rational, logical level, what you’ve experienced isn’t a deal breaker.

And yet… there’s also another, equally valid, equally welcome part of you…

that DOESN’T know that.

That part of you that actually wants to shrink away and die when she receives bad feedback. The part of you who learnt at a really young age that worry is the only way to get some relief from the excruciation of uncertainty. Or who will forever hold out hope that their family member will change.

When we tell ourselves “I know”, we suppress that very real, very welcome part of us. In the interests of trying to move forward, we miss a very important step: acknowledging the depth of what we’re actually feeling and what really hurts. We stay suspended, trying to ‘get over it’ but not having allowed that part of us the full expression and release required to move forward.

So the next time you find yourself saying, “I know …” :

Connect directly to that part of you that DOESN’T know, that feels scared or not enough, and really see and feel her.

You can speak directly to her: “I see how scared you are, darling. I’m here with you.” Allow those emotions to rise within you unchecked and be released.

At some stage as those emotions move through you, you’ll notice the energy transmute and shift … and it’s at that stage that we’re able to genuinely resonate with the deeper perspective.

In doing so we remain anchored in our inner sovereign, that wise, intuitive part of us that can hold both: yes, this is painful and yes, it’s okay.

Does this resonate? Do you find yourself saying “I know” but not really believing it? I’d love to hear.

If you are seeking freedom from self-doubt, anxiety and overwhelm, I invite you to book a free discovery call here and put these questions to good use haha! We will explore your unleashed vision for yourself and the support you need to move forward, whether that is working with me or something else all together. You can also reach me via email here.

I'm Jess, mind whisperer, mama & ocean lover

I'm a former lawyer turned women’s leadership and life coach. 

I guide women who have created their success largely through driving, pushing and controlling, to reconnect with their intuition, vitality and radiance.

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 I gratefully acknowledge the Turrbal and Jagera people as the traditional owners of this land upon which I live and work.

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