| My friend was speaking with a neighbour who had recently lost her only son. She expressed her condolences and remarked how unfair life can be. Her neighbour, this woman who had just been through the most horrific scenario imaginable, responded: “Yes, Life is not fair … but it is good.” It sounds so simple yet it is so profound when you actually sit with it. Life is absolutely not fair. There are innocent children growing up in war zones, battling cancer, being abused. And on another level, there are bosses being a**holes, houses being flooded, billionaires hoarding wealth and a cost of living crisis. Life is definitely not fair. When we expect it to be so, we fight the fight we will always lose: against reality. |
| And also … Life really is so good. There are bear hugs and flowers blooming and dark chocolate and 4,000 year old trees and bird calls and kids giggling and waves crashing and laughs with old friends and starry skies and babies smiling and dance floors and strangers’ kindness. All of this goodness just waiting to be noticed and leant into. But it’s not easy to do when we we’re in a situation that feels so unfair and so painful. |
| So what to do if you find yourself stuck? 1. Acknowledge: Yes, it is so unfair. This should never have happened. This really sucks. I didn’t deserve this.Talk gently to yourself as you would a child and validate the unfairness of it all. Allow yourself to be a victim, to feel the full force of the unfairness of it all. 2. Grieve: Dive beneath your anger into the belly of your grief. Cry, wail, stamp your feet. Allow yourself to fully feel it all.Rinse and repeat. Don’t rush yourself out by thinking that you should be over it by now, or invalidate your pain by feeling guilty that it could be worse.Grief isn’t relative and doesn’t have a timeframe. 3. Practice holding two truths: With time and when you feel ready, begin to “yes and” your sadness and practice holding two truths. Yes, this should never have happened … *and* unfortunately it did. Yes, this is so painful … *and* the sun feels amazing on my bare skin. Yes this really hurts … *and* I have amazing support around me. Yes I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy … *and* I can see a glimpse of the woman I’ll be when I come through this. This is how we find glimmers of joy even in life’s darkest moments. This is how we uncover the lessons and benefits of situations that we would never have chosen. This is how we stay open to Life and it’s wonders even as we navigate through the biggest storms. |
