When we say: ‘I couldn’t say no.’

What we really mean is: ‘I was afraid if I said no that X would think less of me so I said yes.’

Or maybe ‘It’s really important to me that I take care of this person so I said yes.’

Or ‘To disappoint X would be excruciating for me and I’d rather let myself down than them so I said yes.’

And then there’s this old chestnut: ‘I haven’t got time.’

Aka: ‘I’m choosing to spend my time doing other things.’

Language matters. It‘s powerful. It makes the difference between feeling empowered or powerless by the choices we make.

When we tell ourselves ‘I’m stuck in this job’, for example, we automatically take away our power to do anything about it. We perpetuate that feeling of stuckness.

And what’s more, it’s not true.

What we really mean is: ‘I’m prioritising financial security/status/comfort for the time being so I’m choosing to stay at this job.’

Which is perfectly valid, as long as we own it.

We are always at choice in our reactions and our actions. And there’s nothing more disempowering than pretending that’s not the case through the way we explain things to ourselves.

Tell yourself the truth. You deserve it.

It doesn’t mean being harsh with yourself. This isn’t a licence for your inner mean girl to come out blazing.

It means being curious and gentle and REAL. Taking the time to pause, and spend some time reflecting on what’s really going on.

Asking yourself:

• What obligation or value am I prioritising ahead of another?

• How is that serving me?

• What am I really afraid of?

• What empowered choice will I choose to make?

When we gently enquire and uncover the truth behind the decisions we’re making and the situations we find ourselves in, we’re better able to notice what drives our choices.

We can discern when we’re living aligned with our inner wisdom and values and where we’re selling ourselves short.

We remember our power.